Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
