I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
