There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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