You know, be my cock's hype man.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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