somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
