What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
