No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
