things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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