ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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