So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
