Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
