Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
