I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
