Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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