The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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