We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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