I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
