I wish I only lived at night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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