She is in my trunk
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
