I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize