it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm like, not good at living.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
