OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
