So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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