Please, let me fuck your mom
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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