he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
