So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
