so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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