can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
