Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
