everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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