i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
