Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
