So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
