too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
