last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
