Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
