I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize