Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
