I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently you make a good broom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would ride that face into the sunset
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
