How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
