just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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