Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
