just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
