yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
