Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
