Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
