I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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