There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
