Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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