The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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