I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize