i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
