haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
