Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
