You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
