I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
