I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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