if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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