$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize