I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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