you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
