omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
