I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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