Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
