You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
