also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize