life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
