Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
