Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You work out of a Hotel?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
