I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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