Just cropdusted the office
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
